Can Kinks Get Love Too ?

Let me take you on a journey. This road may seem familiar, perhaps you've even been here before! Maybe you've been lost on the trail of tangles, or ventured through the curly caves only to come out on the other side in a kinky, murky mess. That's right, I'm taking you on a quest for the perfect curl. Steeped in ups and downs, chock full of many a failed products cemetery, glitter lies in the wake of those ever so promising curl enhancing fairies.. Did you see that ? A gleam of a perfect ringlet glimmers over the horizon.

Ahhh yes, the "Quest for the Perfect Curl. The never ending search of some naturals, no matter if they are a noob in the game or seasoned and well on their merry nappy way.

It's a trip that almost all of us have taken. The question that I would like to pose though, is why ? Yep, Why.

Can't kinks get some lovin' too ?

It seems like the need for "politically correct" curls is more important than loving and caring for what you have.

The curls that are acceptable in public and professional settings. Say for instance a Shirley Temple curl, or a Traci Ellis-Ross, or even Eva the Diva from Top Model.

Traci Ellis Ross, Photo Credit Confessions of a Blog Vixen

Well, It seems that having a curl is more desirable, acceptable, and attractive than having a kinky hair texture. It's a widely known sentiment that many women are nervous to put down the creamy crack because a nappy hair texture might reveal itself.  Or, not everyone can go natural because everyone wasn't blessed with good hair or a loose curl pattern. Let's not forget the ever present, "Natural hair isn't for everybody." I'm 99.9% sure that every little black kinky haired baby was in fact not born with a tub of relaxer and a note that reads; "My bad, God." So, how can natural hair not be for everyone?

Let's keep moving forward though. When finally making the decision to go natural, there is a tendency to end up with "Nappier than Expected" Syndrome as coined by Karen of Karen's Body Beautiful. Meaning that your texture isn't quite what you expected or hoped for, so now what ?

Karen of KBB looking great with her full fro ! Photo Credit KBB Facebook

Not exactly a clinical diagnosis, but still pretty commonplace. When the topic of kinky hair, curly hair, coily hair is tossed around there sometimes seems to be a common thought that one is better than the other. Which isn't true, but curl pattern seems to be the en vogue divide now.

Which is why hair typing is such a hotly debated subject. Many a sharp retort has been spoken on the topic of curl pattern because of how some choose to utilize it.

I have another post in the wings about hair typing that will soon enough be fully completed and re-published. I think it's time to ditch the distancing that comes about with negative hair typing stigmas.

Let's take the Lil Mama Backlash for example, there were people GOING off on her via twitter saying she looked like a shocked slave.

Lil Mama and her natural, beautiful hair. Photo Credit Madame Noire

All I saw was a beautiful set of naps. 

Call me crazy though.

Then you have the whole Solange upset, and how she doesn't, nor does she feel the need to manipulate her kinks to do certain styles like twist outs and or braid-outs to look a certain way. Which is fine, whatever floats your little boat.

It wasn't however, fine with other folks. People felt the need to express how she looks unkempt, messy, unacceptable, and what have you.

Solange and her gorgeous naps. Photo Credit Curly Nikki.

Why is the hair that is growing out of her head unacceptable because it doesn't curl? Or is it because she doesn't set her hair to achieve "out" styles likes twist-outs. Is it really that deep ? It must be.

When will kinks get some love ??

One of the very first HIGHLY publicized backlash against kinkier hair types was Viola Davis.  She wore her adorable kinky TWA on the red carpet and looked completely fabulous while doing it. You would have thought she walked the Red Carpet in her birthday suit ! Celebrities and "regular" people alike threw in their two cents, ignorant and all. If it was me, some of them would have been served a little change.

Viola Davis looking stunning in green on the red carpet. Photo Credit RCFA.com

This seems to be a never-ending issue in the natural hair community, I don't even know why there is even a debate. There are around 6 billion heads on this Earth, that allows for at least a few different hair types. All of them equally beautiful!

What's important is the health, not the curl. Or lack thereof.


There are so many ways to get distracted on a hair journey. A key distraction being all of the varied  techniques to define your curls.Now,  I am in no way saying that these techniques aren't necessary, I am only mentioning that perhaps they might "work" more so on a different hair type.

Let's take my hair for instance, there's no curl definition to the eye because my strands are so tightly coiled. There's a zig-zag-coily-slinky toy-thing going on and  I love it.

Twisting !

My first pony puff! (Being able to puff with a ponytail, instead of the normal puff technique)

Uneven, shrunken fro!

First semi blowout in 2 year, since I removed my locs!

I love the fluffy, cottony, cloudy, coily strands just a popping out of my head. Absolutely love it !

How can this texture be seen as unacceptable, unprofessional, not pretty and etc? Crazy right? Let's stay on track though, beyond curl defining, there are other varied techniques. Such as shingling, curl definition, curl popping techniques etc.... and I ask, honey boo-boo, if there is no curl to begin with, then what exactly are you popping ? Work and love what you have ! It will prove to be a much happier experience.

Let's not forget there are also texlaxers, natural relaxers, brazailian treatments, and most recently, Miss Jessies Silkener. *shudder* I remember trying a product of Miss Jessies, it made my curls pop (I was too surprised, my coily kinky little head), but it left my hair a crunchy, dry mess.

Curly Mama wrote a great post that really resonated with me and made me think about the curl obssesion. That post is what also birthed this post ! As tardy as it may be. (She wrote her post back in June, which lets you know how long this draft has been sitting my documents folder.)

So not only does there seem to be a divide in the natural hair community, but there are a lot more companies marketing to that curl, or offering a product to give that curl to you. I read a great post over at Your Africa is Showing  (another June post, I'm behind I know.) that I feel really made a lot of sense. A lot of companies are now marketing to transitioners (which is a good and bad thing) and also proclaiming products to give you that lusted after curl.

Now, please don't get me wrong, this is not a rant or written out of anger. More so, it's written out of concern. I had no qualms if someone falls into this category of Quest for  the Perfect Curl.

It happens, you know?  That's what is perpetuated in the media along with the fact that you really don't know what's going to pop up when you let that relaxer grow out. The thought of  "Oh, maybe it will be curly" is a prevalent and perfectly okay thought.

What's not okay is this divide that it's caused.

A divide between curlier textures and kinkier textures. It just the same as relaxed and natural, light and dark. I can go on and on. In our community there seems to always need to be for some type of divide to separate ourselves. To make one group feel better or feel worse. Which, unfortunately, I feel that it's only natural, divides like this have been instilled in us since we were taken off the ship, stemming from the house slave and the field slave. House slaves were treated better and therefore governed themselves according.

I just don't understand it though. Let's build each other up instead of breaking one another down.
There doesn't need to be yet another notion to divide us, and it certainly shouldn't be over something so trivial as hair. Let's talk about hair health, personal health, mental health. It's important to be proud of your hair, to love it, to nurture it.

That's the key, not if someone wears their kinkier (than some may like) hair out as a style instead of setting it for a twistout. Either one is beautiful, and either one should be accepted as normal, professional and beautiful.

I think if more women embraced the kinkiness that natural hair can sometimes have it would help to quell the ignorance, insensitivity and that is all too present in the natural hair community. In most cases more love is seen and shown from other races.

It's sad when we as a people can't see the beauty of all types of black hair.  Although I must add that this is not exclusive to women, being stereotyped for kinkier, natural, "unkempt" styles happen among males as well. I'm sure you all read and or heard about the Hampton University article, where the Dean banned locs and braid styles in the business school because it isn't a professional style.

Why is it that people are quick to get up in arms if someone else; not from our community bashes us, but it's more than okay for us to bash one another? That gets me every time ! Oh sigh... *cue well placed hand on forehead*

Let's love and accept one another! Right ? *peace sign wavers*

Well on a TOTALLY AWESOME note. Check out Janelle Monae, the new face for Covergirl. Might I add, she's repping kinkier hair/browner skin wonderfully !

Check her out ! Photo Credit Necole Bitchie

Oh she is so fly ! Photo Credit Huffington Post

One of my absolute favorite songs. A beautiful song, by a beautiful artist. I'll leave you with this video. So you really know this is NOT a rant. I'm a lover! 

Oh, P.S.

 Do you agree with this post? Why or Why not ? What are your thoughts?

Do you think that there are too many divides in the natural hair community and also the black community ? 

Am I just blowing this whole thing out of proportion?

Finally, can kinks get love too?